The World 'o' Davey

Yep I'm hoping that I've figured something out subconsciously that has made my emotions stablize for the time being because I've been up and down that spectrum I spoke of in my last entry. Right now, I'm happy...not just happy...I'm estatic!...I've got all kinds of great things going on in my life right now (namely Ana but I'm not going to go into vast detail of that because I'm quite sure that most everyone will leave me a message commenting on it and that isn't the main point of this entry...but let it be known throughout every kingdom that I, Sir James of Greenwich, am in love with that girl!)

My week has been pretty boring so this paragraph will just be about all the boring school stuff...go ahead and skip if you want the juicy stuff. Well lets see I've had 3 projects assigned last week and one was due yesterday. I had to make a newspaper that will be distributed after the apocalypse of an asteroid hitting earth and wiping out most of humanity. Needless to say I think I had too much fun with that ("At the end of year 2002 the global population was beleived to be close to 5.2 billion lives but as this dark day comes to a close governments are estimating the survivors to be close to 5 million" ahhh the fun I had in describing the chaos) and then I've got two projects in paideia where I have to change history and show the effects and then I have to present and act of Shakespear's Julius Caesar...that will be pretty boring and I don't wanna do either one but I'll make some magic from them. I only had two days of school this week because of thanksgiving (this year I'm thankful for days off from school! lol) I actually do have alot to be thankful for so maybe I'll make a bulleted list as an entry on thursday...but yea I started circles in geometry a couple days ago...I had 11 formulas pumped into me over those days and then I was tested yesterday. I think I did pretty well all things considered and the rest of my class is gonna fail so I get to point and laugh later on (YAY!) damn I'm a prick aren't I? but yea...that sums up my week pretty much...oh wait I need to list grades...Paideia B, Astronomy C(this caught me offguard since my test scores are 2 98's and 2 96's), Latin 1 B(you shoulda seen my face when I saw that grade and then you shoulda seen Magistra's anger *beams*), Geometry B...yea...I'm gonna bring em up now and try for honor roll this quarter...I deserve a breakfast from the school after all the stuff I could've but haven't done to DICKson

OK so thats school stuff and now this is the part of our show where we look at our lives and analyze every speck of them until we are blue in the face...or something like that...I've been very weird lately as I'm sure most everyone has noticed...like monday this week for instance...Ana was sick and I spent the entire day thinking of her and I missed her so much that I called her from my cell at lunch. I really feel pathetic at how weak I am when it comes to being away from someone I love. I mean...Megan and James are like the prime example of this and they function just finebut then I look and Jen and Corey and they are the same way...Jen just blogged about how she doesnt know what she'll do if she can't see Corey at least once in a week. I dunno what I'd do either...probably shrivel up and die or something just as painful but I'll have to wait till xmas break to find out. I think I mentioned earlier that I was beginning to feel like I was losing my purpose in the amoeba but DAMN was I wrong. There was that thing that Jen and Anna have mentioned in their blogs about what she did...I wasn't around and I had no idea what was going on until everything was long over and then I show up as everyone is pissed and tried to do damage control and get people back to normal. This was like an unintentional experiment; I wasn't around and something big happened and the group figured things out but everyone still kinda fell apart. I'm not saying that I would've done much better but hey this means that our group is not so overrun with people that can help that we get everything taken care of quickly and efficently yet. So I still have some kind of meaning to the group! *waves flags* I know I have other things but I was kinda looking for a really big important job...and maybe my purpose isn't supposed to be to have a big impact on people but I'll still impact all of you whether you like it or not! ;-)

I think the thing that makes our group so unique is that we are a comonation of many of the extremes of the emotional spectrum. As I thought about this further, I remembered that the emotional spectrum is not only 3D (meaning that the total number of degrees is 360 squared) but multilayered. By this I mean that we can have so many emotions at once. I for instance am constantly torn between an underlying fear of history repeating itself (a goal in life...sorta) and on top of that I have the emotional scars of my past (lessons I've learned) and on top of that I have my long term mood (something that I've kinda been feeling for awhile) and on top of that is my recent mood which is constantly bouncing all over the place and is usually very visible and then there is the occasional mask. All together this forms a simple outline of my mental frame. In each level of my frame there are 129600 possible directions to turn resulting in well over 1,000,000 possible unqiue moods for me to be in. Thats pretty interesting to me.

...That was just something I was thinking about the other day...time for me to play catchup! After I blogged in the early hours of Sunday I was picked up by the Worley's(sorry if i mispelled that) and went with them to their church. It was pretty fun! much more entertaining than my REEEEAAAAAALLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY boring mass and so it kept my attention through the entire service. Thats NEVER happened to me before. Anyways the sermon was about this woman named Dorcus(pronounced dork-us) so Aliana and myself found it rediculously ironic and funny that it happened to be the topic on the week that I come. I think I mentioned the Dorkius theory in an older entry its pretty much my mixing the idea of the Queen being a queen and my Goop therefore being a princess and alien cows...We have the HUUUGGGGGGEEEEE planet of Dorkius(also pronounced dork-us) which Queen Carol and King David rule with the lovely Princess Aliana and hmmm...I haven't given Adric the title of prince...maybe something more along the lines of a court jester that was adopted into the royal family...that sounds good. Dorkius has a bunch of moons flying all over the place around it and the largest of them is ruled by the Princess. This moons name is (of course) Goopala and it is my home where I was a middle class family that happened to be away on the Earth moon, Luna where my family was making a fortune at the intergallactic casino in Los Lunas. It was while we were away that the Alien cows came...they attacked dorkius and all of its moons in such numbers that the worlds were quickly surrendered to their authority. However the royal family (along with their court jester/son, Adric the flatulant) managed to escape the fate of their people and have found their way to Earth where they hope to amass an army of Dorks to go back and destroy the bovine threat. My family, having heard of the fate of our home and having made a small fortune on Luna unknowingly bought some property near the royal family. I discovered this secret and fell in love with the beautiful Princess of Goopala. I have vowed to defend her from any threat earth or cow based and my sword and steak sauce have been pleged to the cause of taking back our home...

...hows that a cool story for you? but yea thats why it was so funny to us...after the whole church-related action I got to come home with the princess for a bit and...."had many long and intellectually inclined conversations and debates about various things such as politics and the bible" *pokes halo which instantly falls to the ground and shatters into horned-shaped shards*

and strangely enough...I'm happy right now...I've been happy all weekend and right now and last night I was just so happy that I didnt understand...its a bewildering emotion, happiness but I'm liking it so now I'm going to go enjoy being happy

For quite a long time now (or so it feels) I've been feeling very strange. It's become almost painfully obvious that I'm not my usual life-of-the-party self. I've been running through whats going on in my head and often I've established that I can surely pass as someone in need of a shrink. However, since I'm a teen and lacking the financial independence to pay for and attend sessions without someone in my family knowing, there is no way I can get THAT kind of help. My family...I just wouldn't be able to stand those looks of disappointment again. My dad, he used to look at me and I can see that he was proud of me. But now, now he looks at me and remembers that I took everything that he taught me and turned it into something horrible. He can bearly stand to talk to me anymore. My mom, she used to be a good friend, someone I could talk to. After she found out just a small fraction of what I'd done she hated me...and she still does. The rest of my family can just call me crazy...I can tell thats exactly how they feel. They don't understand me and probably never will.

They've just started believing that I'm a semi-normal kid and that everything will work out fine. I'm pretty hopeful for the same thing but there is this constant nagging in the back of my head that tells me that there is something wrong. Perhaps some kind of delusion(sp) that I've designed for myself for god knows why? Either way my option of seeking professional help again...is not an option at all.

My friends...They're so great I love being around them and they make me feel so much better than when I'm alone...like a healthy drug that I'm definitly addicted to. I can't hardly last a week without seeing them outside of school. Kinda like how I feel about Aliana too.

Its very strange how fast I get attached to people. I guess I'm just used to never seeing them again. I established this theory in 8th grade that I make friends quickly and love so easily because I'm hardly ever in the same place for more than a year...two years tops. So if I want to feel even a false sense of happiness I need to make good friends quickly. Now I'm going to be at the same place for 4 years. I certainly chose the right group of people to attach myself to but I wonder if I made the same kind of friendships as I usually do and those kinds of relationships are not meant to last long. I worry now that if these friendships do decide to burn out like so many have already...what will I do? The more time I spend with my friends the more obsurd this appears but it is always the smallest fear in the back of my head.

Back to Ana: I'm happy with her...so very happy. I've known her well for...what is it now?...5 months (2 month anniversary on wednesday!) and I already go through such a pain when I watch her walk away from me. It's very interesting how I used to view myself as a strong person (not physically but as far as a mental standpoint on understanding) but when I compare myself to my friends I'm nothing. Megan and James for instance, They get to see each other maybe two times a week...sometimes not at all. Yet they are still a very close and happy(when they're together and by "happy" I mean that they have a healthy relationship). It's mindboggling to me how they do it! I can't last more than two days without seeing Aliana's eyes. I love getting lost in them, Perfect honey colored eyes. Am I odd for this dependence upon her? I guess I'm just that weak that I can't last too long without someone to hold. *laughs* When I was thinking about what to write for this entry I was worried I'd be too egotistical or narsisstic and here I am saying "I'm just that weak..." so yea I found that kinda funny...anyways...I'm going to church with Aliana today...this should be interesting...have a good day kids!

*sighs sleepily* I just got home from school...the damn clock on this thingy is so messed up so I'm gonna just say its wednesday because I don't know just HOW screwed up the calendar is on this thingamabob...anyways...time for a recap!

...lets start with monday...I beleive it was monday that I transformed into a puppy and followed a beautiful girl home...and me with my goldfish memory span can only remember that it as a blur of bliss...*sighs and curls up like a happy puppy* I think I was a dog in another life *waits for insults that that statement demands to calm down before continuing* I am often very canine...tis fun!

...OK yesterday I remember a little bit more clearly...Jennifer W., Jill, Dragon lady, Dillon, Ryan, and Lena were SUPPOSED to go to Ana's to make the soon-to-be-famous DORK shirts...unfortunatly jennifer, jill, and Lena had to either cancel or come late (Lena was the only one that came late and the Dragon lady had to leave early) so since we had so few people show up we decided to simply hang out, eat, drink, watch movies and be merry...I showed up a bit early so we finished a movie that Ana and I had started the night before...what was it called...PRINCESS BRIDE!...YESH I remebered something!...ok well yea we watched most of that the night before but I had to go early and ended up finishing then...good flick...then people showed up and we watched 8-legged freaks...also a good movie that I wish I was in for many many reasons...1) I LOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEE SPIDERS! 2) I could've dealt with them so much faster than they did that it isnt even funny 3) I would've had sooo much fun running all over town with a shot gun *fangy grins*

...pasta premavera(sp) was served for lunch but dillon and myself don't like peppers onions or most of the other stuff that went with it so we got some conventional pasta...twas very very good...dragon lady had to go around then...so we stole her shoes and then her swim bag and she was trapped forever!...that was the plan anyways...she got her stuff back and left...then we went for a walk around the neighborhood...and then we started watching Final Destination 2...DON'T WATCH IT IF YOU HAVE A) a weak stomach or B) any kind of traumatic experience with car crashes *grins* if you have both...then being in the same room as the movie may kill you...Ryan left with Lena for some random reason around this time and I turned into the chickenshit that I am and changed the movie to Blazing Saddles...nothing like a comedy with your girlfriend to calm your nerves...we watched most of that...stopped for another tasty meal...and then finished it up just in time for me to be shipped back to the reality that has recently infected my home...I pretty much just crashed after that...

...and today...well today was a god day for minor reasons and a bad day just because of Latin...I don't wanna talk about that...but yea...I am pissed because I have a B in geometry...but hugs and kisses are very good at erasing whatever I'm thinking about *evil grin* well that about sums me up for the time being...good god I'm such an emotional pinball on this blog that it is just crazy!

MY FRIENDS ARE AMAZING! THATS ALL THERE IS TO DESCRIBE THEM! THEY ARE A BUNCH OF WEIRDOS WITH ONLY A FEW THINGS IN COMMON BUT I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM! I haven't spoken to most of you about whats been driving me to the brink of insanity but as soon as I mention being confused, hurt, scared, worried or a bajilllion other things I get little messages from people that I can tell is like "I read your blog...I'm here if you need me"...so...yea I just wanted to thank you guys.

Whenever I talk to someone about crying I usually mention not letting the tears be wasted...I say this because most of teh people that I know wish that they could cry more often...there is just some kind of barrier that prevents us from expressing our emotions in a histerical way that feels so good...we miss being able to curl up in a ball and cry our eyes out and then feel better...Jen wrote a story once that talked about cutting(gosh what a common writing prompt in our group...maybe thats why we're screwed up?) she said that while the main character cut she felt her worries and sorrows flowing out of her with the crimson life...and then later on in the story she cried and it didn't feel as absolute as when she cut...thats pretty much true...when you cut its like all you feel is the pain of that cut...there is nothing else in your life but that pain...its like a numbing drug...I used to cut to forget...to not feel anything anymore because of the hurt that surrounded me...other people cut because they want some kind of confirmation that they are alive...its seems rediculous but it is very true...I don't cut anymore because of my friends...you guys have probably saved my life...everytime you found out I felt so guilty...like I hurt you...and nowadays I still feel so super stressed by certain things that I am tempted...I still have no good ways to releive stress and I'm usually forced to do some kind of breathing thing or just disappear and curl up for a little bit until I calm down...last night was a pretty freaky night...I really wanted to see Aliana but things just didn't work out to our favor this time so I was a little down...I was already in a weird mood...but I did my job I think...when I got home I just went upstairs...I crashed on the floor and I thought about it...I couldn't cut...its not an option...so what else can I do? I thought...I remembered Katie telling me that she imagines herself tearing apart her room...I tried that out...and somehow I started thinking about what my purpose is in my group of friends...I just kinda hang out until there is something wrong and then I try to help...I try to hurt instead of you...I was reminded of Mr. Ferguson's story about when his friend got in a car accident and she dove on her sister to protect her and the windows got blown in and cut her back...I imagined me like that...I wanted to protect everyone and take the glass...and I related the cuts to cutting...so I quickly tried to change the analogy...something about me keeping everyone warm and getting left out in the cold...then my instant connection was a cold body drained of blood...at this point I got scared...so scared...I don't know why I thought abou it like that...I don't sit around all the time and ponder cutting but why the hell would my mind make an instant connection to it?...I've made the decision today that I'm putting all my knives away again...I think I already mentioned what happened the first time I tried that...I broke the case they were locked in to get a bowie knife...and I didn't even stop to think about it...this time will be different...I have a bunch of friends to think about...you guys are what keep me going......you'll keep me safe right?

ALLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO...the Davey happens to be in astronomy class right now and he is supposed to be working on a project but he has decided to blog about yesterday before he "works" on selling Neptune to you silly humans...

...twas a fun fun day yesterday...school was pretty shitty but then again it always is...I went over to Jill's house afterwards and we hung out for a bit ("go get dressed...go get dressed...good...NOW GO GET DRESSED!") we went to the Matrix: revolutions opening...don't read the rest fo this paragraph if you plan on seeing the movie because I'm going to ruin it for you!...First off...Neo and Trinity die...that just flat out sucks...Trinity gets inpaled with a bunch of poles when they crash a ship into the machines city...its hilarious!...she is sitting there bleeding to death and I was in an insanely morbid mood and the way the rods were placed in her it just looked great...and then she goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and onnnnnnnnnnnn about how much she loves Neo and he cries and their last kiss that SHOULD be kinda long and have her die in the middle of it and all kinds of romantic stuff like that is horribly corrupted into *kiss for two seconds and she pulls away dead* and I was pissed at how fake it seemed...and earlier in teh movie we decided to corrupt whatever Neo and Trinity say to eachother "Neo: I know what I have to do, Trinity, but I don't know how." and you know we made that perverted...The final fight between Neo and agent smith was pretty pathetic too it was like "I'm invincible!...I'm invincible too!...LETS FIGHT TO THE DEATH!" and after they fight for like 15 minutes of DBZ style action...the arcitect decides to kill em both off...tada! the end....









....ok so yea...I was a little upset about that but it was still a fun movie to watch if you only want to watch long battle scenes...*sighs* I don't get to see Aliana nearly enough at school and she has been grounded...she doesn't talk to Skyler that much anymore and her 'rents dubbed this bad...thats the only thing that I've gotten out of her as far as a reason yet...I miss her way too easily...I have friends that can only see their bf/gf only once a week and I get to see Ana daily but I still feel so lonely...and I've concluded that I'm insane for many many reasons that I'm not gonna talk about here but if I suddenly disappear like at a gathering or something...just give me like 5-10 minutes before someone looks for me...I've been needing to randomly escape people alot lately...

...ok I just read my comments from the last entry and I think I was a little misunderstood but that was definitly my fault...I didn't mean anything against the king or queen of Aliana's kingdom...I just meant that her sudden "grounding" was just something that confused me and I was only saying what I had heard thus far...I apoligize if it was mistaken for critisim...

That story that I wrote two entries ago got a 99 so I figured it would make for a fun title...I think the world is beginning to come back together after its personal supernova...everything is beginning to close off again and everyone is getting closer...I think things may turn out for the best but I have no idea...I've been a pretty crazy kid lately huh...who would've thought being good could make you feel so bad?...but yea...I'm still swell...

...the situation with Aliana and company is being dealt with and her and I are getting along famously...her rents pulled some insanity yesterday...apparently...they think she is doing some dangerous things?...I dunno I probably should've talked with her about it more at lunch...but yea...she isn't permitted to be on the comp and she has no idea when the insanity ends...*sighs* but I still get to see her at school...so I will be contented with that for now...

...tomorrow the third and final matrix comes out...and I'm going to see it!...so I'm reved about that...not a whole lot of my favorite girls are going but it will still be quite fun...in case no one has noticed yet I am pretty much just saying in this entry that all is quieting down on the western front so BE HAPPY! AND EAT CANDY!

I know it's possible for people to change...we're all living proof of that...I'm seeing everyone changing suddenly and I'm not liking it...I've discussed this with a couple people and I've come to the conclusion that most of us are hitting that major border in life when it's time to "grow up" our personalities, tendencies, like, dislikes, possibly even sexuality may change during this process...friends can become closer......or become so distant that you almost seem lost to them...

...thats the one I'm experiencing now...I kinda got thrown into my phase last year since I tried to change myself into a good kid...I did a fairly good job I think not that any of you could judge it...the problem is that I made friends while I was still changing and I think that some of the qualities that I lost in the process were the things that people admired about me...

....Most everyone has mentioned something about drifting from their bestest and oldest of friends in their blogs/blurties...I think that it is due to this phase that many of us are going through mixed with a sudden expanded group of friends...around this time last year I could count my friends on my fingers...now just to name the list of people that came to a gathering I need a notebook...all of us are spread so thin between school, work, relationships, and now friends is such a huge category that we often have to ignore certain aspects of it...and that has a tendency to include our old friends in exchange for the newer ones...

...I don't know what causes us to make that choice...maybe its because having a new friend is like having a new toy...you want to play with it and understand it and just figure it out...or like a match that is just struck...it glows so bright at first and then hits a steady and smaller burning...but eventually everyone becomes friends of about the same level and we can all glow together...what worries me is that there are too many of us now and we can't spread ourselves even enough to spend time with certain matches and they may burn out...

...I truly hopethis doesn't happen because I value each of my friends so dearly...even my newer friends like Ryan and Lena...I'd like to become friends with Aliana's other friends like Jennifer...I feel I owe the three of you an apology...I'm not quite sure what it was that I did but my twisted logic blames me for what is going on with you and Ana right now...you all were so close and since we've started dating is when the problems started...if there is anyway I can help with anything please tell me because I'd like for your friendships to continue burning

Well despite my better judgment I'm posting a fun little essay about a time when I was supposed to be super scared...Its based on actual events but like most every story that is based on fact I changed it around a bit to make it more climatic and stuff...if you've been my friend for awhile you should know what really happened and maybe even get some insight or whatever...but yea...I'm just kinda proud of this so humor me ok?.......

The teenagers of today face the same things that “go bump in the night” for their predecessors but also combat an entirely new set of nightmares. I am a perfect example of one such teenager. Things like ghosts, demons, undead serial killers, ect., ect. don’t bother me nor most of my generation because we’ve grown up around movies and books that suggest such unreal horrors and have become desensitized to them. Due to this desensitization I’ve ignored most anything that would suggest a paranormal anomaly anywhere in my life. However, I have had plenty of things strike me as traumatizing.
In the already intimidating freshman year of high school I was confronted with the small tasks that go into finding friends. I gathered small groups of people in each class and eventually all of us were tied together into a clique. None of us were very popular but we enjoyed each other’s company and became a very close group. We even began giving our group a name. “The Amoeba” was defined to be best fitting because it has the same characteristics of us; “An amorphous mass that continues changing size, hasn’t much apparent use, sometimes makes you sick, and occasionally breaks off into smaller parts that act exactly like the parent.”
My closest friend in the group, a girl named Sarah, was the sunshine of my day. She lived really close to our school so I would walk over there and spend afternoons with her. Although we knew each other for less than a year we bonded oddly fast. I repeatedly visited her over the weekends by walking the mile and a half to her house. I was very wary of the fields that could be cut through for a faster walk. When the crops grown in that field are out of season, tall grasses grew there and I knew that it was a perfect habitat for copperheads. Instead I walked alongside the roads to get to her. I told her my darkest secrets that no other living being knew, and she told me all about her, much happier, life. At least, I thought it was happier.
She often told me about how much she hated her parents but I shrugged it off as a typical teenage thing. One day in late autumn, as the two of us lay together on the couch in her entertainment room she looked into my eyes with her icy blue ones. “What am I here for?” she asked.
“To keep me company.” I responded quickly as a joke with a sweet grin on my face. Although I had thought the topic would’ve died right there it continued for the next several months. I had once told her about a time in my life when I was depressed enough to cut myself, and she took those words to her heart. Actually it was her wrists that she cut.
She showed me the bandages on her pearl white skin and then removed them to reveal the thin crimson lines. I didn’t say any words of disapproval then. All I did was hug her and tell her I understood. When the rest of The Amoeba discovered her masochistic tendencies she was bombarded with waves of disapproval (in hopes that she would stop) and came back to naïve me for more hugs. Eventually I was the only one she told about them.
The cutting continued and I kept on telling her just to be careful and gave her pointers on how to better handle a blade so she wouldn’t cut too deep. I felt like I was the only one who could do anything to even keep her alive, but I was the one that almost killed her.



Toward the end of December I had gotten a girlfriend that discouraged me from spending so much time with Sarah and I obeyed most of the time. I still tried to see her outside of school once a week just to make sure she was safe. The cuts began to appear more and more in number and deeper when I saw them. Sarah began showing her depression more but I missed it since I didn’t see her nearly as often. The group worried and did what they could to help but she was only getting worse
The Amoeba would make chat-rooms online and talk through them into the late hours of night. One night, Sarah said, “I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused all of you. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.” And left the chat. Immediately everyone tried to go into personal IM (instant message) with her but she put up an away message that read the very same words. I remembered that Sarah mentioned earlier that her parents were out with her brother at a baseball game. She was home alone.
Fear overwhelmed all reason within me and I ran. I ran out my back door and out of my neighborhood. She can’t do this I thought as I ran through the almost twilight darkness. When I came to the fields where I would normally turn onto the roads, I stopped. It’s dangerous, but it’s more important that I get there fast. My decision was made faster than my heart was racing.
I bound into the fields wishing for more time and now feeling that cold winter air on my face, but adrenaline was flowing through my veins and I wasn’t going to stop. As I breathed heavier and heavier I felt dry pain in my chest of what I though was ice beginning to form in my lungs. There wasn’t enough time to think of the pain.
I reached her house in what felt like days but turned out to be no more than ten minutes. Her front door was always open and the glass door in front of it was never locked. I leapt up the stairs and through the door, not caring about knocking or if her parents were home already. All I was thinking about was Sarah.
I Sprang up to the second story and into her room where she was kneeling on the ground and clutching the very knife I had taught her to use. I was gasping for breath at this point and I heard the glass door finally close. I gave her wrists a quick glance for new marks. I would’ve breathed a sigh of relief if I had the breath to do so. I was now dizzy with pain but I still had to calm her down. “Sarah? You don’t want to do that, Lufly.” I said as I approached her. Her crying had become too hysterical for any words to come out correctly. I knelt beside her and wrapped my hand around the blade of the knife taking it from her. She embraced me tightly and cried into my shoulder.
I’ll never forget that night and all the lessons it taught me. Among those lessons are to never teach a masochist how to use a knife and although your girlfriend or boyfriend or even lover doesn’t like one of your friends, that is not an excuse to ignore them. I learned most importantly that in situations that I know are serious I should never play along and hope they die out. If you wait, someone you love might be the only thing dying.

Considering that today is November 1st you can probably guess that yesterday was Halloween...because I am an idiot I didn't really think of a costume until semi-last minute and decided to go with a scottsman...so I wore a skirt to school...most people said I looked more like a girl scout or a catholic school girl but either way I had wayyy too much fun with poses of that...

...school went like a typical day with the minor perks of halloween...candy in class...random costumes...just the usual stuff...

...After school was Aliana's Halloween party...She was a dominatrix sex kitten (purrrrr)...the house had spider webs and decorations all over the place and a bunch of peoples came...I knew most everyone and met the few that I didn't...everyone was pretty friendly and I had some uber masses of fun...The Dill master genral did some breakdancing and a bunch of other dancing that makes me more jealous of him *turns into a big green monster* the SSF resides in him! (sexy smart and fun) so I am very very envious(thats a word right?)...speaking of him though he has a dance thing-a-mabob coming up soon so when he gets a date out I'll post it and EVERYONE MUST ATTEND!...

...I kept changing between the pants that I brought to the party and the skirt that everyone must've just loved seeing me in with my sexy toned legs *much sarcasm intended*...Aliana went through 3 pairs of pants *glows with happiness* the first pair was her vinyl pair with chains and stuff that was her costume but that was too hot so she changed into jeans and I ripped those (how?...use your imagination) and then she ended the evening in another pair...I was hunted and beaten with the Queen's weapon of choice (I thinks its name is Munch the Beanie Baby) and that of course was fun because random people would grab me to slow me down while I was running away like the (living) coward that I am (cowards, rather than fight, run away so they can live another day)...

...There were a few problems with last night that I noticed...like Skyler and SB randomly disappearing together (suspcious? I think so!)...Aliana's closest friends disappeared for a walk to "talk about things"...I'm guessing it is because Aliana has changed...something along those lines...the newer people at the party(mostly my friends) may have made them feel out of place...but I dunno these are just my guesses...I hope of that gets sorted out and works for the best...

...I got a total of about 10 hours of sleep over this week...but I got 11 last night so I'm feeling a little better but I think my insomnia is getting worse...I also need to start eating more apparently because I'm not even getting 1000 calories a day and that is screwing me up...but aside from all of this insanity...I feel that things will work out...they WILL work out.............unless...someone does something...that they shouldn't do...