The World 'o' Davey

I was tempted to do the "What's in a name" thingy from Romeo and Juilet and then it struck me that I didn't remember it totally so I just went with that crappy title...if I Think of a better one I'll put it up later...anyways...yea...

I've established that based on several types of love...I love Aliana...NOW BEFORE SOMEONE SHOOTS AT ME!...let me explain this...I know I'm a teen and the hormones make me say "oo00oooo pretty girl that i get to make out with = LOVE!"...but hear me out.........why the hell am I acting like anyone has the power to cut me off while I say this?...damn I'm getting off topic ("ok i gotta go now...so what are we doing tomorrow?")...Love has 82398129378947298347.3612 definitions for me and only one of which is the stereotypical "true love" and no...this is not the case...right now the best kind of love that I am getting is the third best kind any teen can hope for...someone you can talk to between making out........

.....wow...that sounds really bad and like I'm using Aliana...again not the case...I can't really describe this well but I'm gonna try anyways...

-I care for this person enough that when I hear stories of someone as simple as her brother being mean to her, I get almost enraged at him and I want to go take her away from all of that
-I feel safe around her...so much so that I let all my guards down...I can just relax and say whatever I want to say
-She makes me feel important...I get kinda tired of being just one of the gang and she makes me feel like I'm some precious treasure that people should be fighting with her over...that sounds like I'm pretty selfish but everyone likes feeling special...ADMIT IT!
-I want to make her happy...I've been pretty sucsessful at making her feel better when she is down(I think) and I like working for every smile she gives me
-Our friends are many of the same people...we never have to worry about hanging out with the others friends because we have many of the same friends

...everything is good...I like it...no...I love it...I love her...

*cracks up* wow I love doing these titles...I wish I could do that for a living...just read books and stories and poems and give them titles...that'd be a hell of a job there...anyways...today was another good day as my title suggests *fangy grins*

I didn't do much in the early day... "dawn with its fingertips of rose" was not seen by me because I got almost 11 hours of sleep! My Goop kidnapped me for a bit and we went shopping for the completion of her halloween costume *licks lips* I can't wait for halloween now!

The Queen needed to do some shopping herself so we "stayed in the car and discussed what to get for dinner" and after an almost violent debate *chuckles* we established that I needed a cultural experience with chinese food...I only went with some sweet and sour chicken and a fortune cookie..."You never hesitate to tackle the biggest of problems [in bed]" *laughs again* I'm soooo giddy right now for every reason in the world *smiles shoot everywhere* lets see...after dinner Adric showed me a computer series called "Happy Tree Friends" WHAT A MORBID AND SICK DISPLAY OF GRAPHICAL SKILLS!....I loved every minute of it!...then Zach called and says that there is a gathering at Matt's...we went there and it twas very very fun!...we watched nightmare before christmas...and had uber masses of fun....

...twas at this gathering that I recieved not one...BUT TWO HICKIES! *maniacal laughter*...I had a great time giving and getting hickies *more fangy grins* and that about summed up my night...there were some other things going on but I won't talk about them here......

....now I get to talk about what I'm thinking...HARK...THE ANOMOLY THINKS? why yes...yes I do...like I said in my last entry, I'm trying to wait awhile before I mention the magical four letter "L" word...but the more I think about it the harder and harder it is to not say that I love her...I feel totally at ease when I'm around her and we can do anything...talk about anything...its just comfortable...and it makes me feel safe...hence why I'm with her I look like I haven't slept in weeks and I'm ready to pass out in her arms...I just loosen up and realize how little sleep I usually do get(anywhere from 2-4 hours during the school week depending on the night)...feeling safe is a very uncommon thing for me...even when I'm with friends I sometimes feel endagered or feel like my presence there will hurt them someday...luckily I have had no contact with the possible causes of that danger in quite a while...so to sum this paragraph up...I may love Aliana................

Yesterday was soo0000OOOO0000oooo much fun! school was pretty much as great as can be expected and then I went to the fair with most of my good friends....

1st period........We're studying Feudalism(a form of uncentralized government where small lords or knights swear their alligence to stronger lords or kings and give them millitary and finacial support in exchange for land and basic necessities) in Paideia...so the Coop Master General told us to write a modern feudal contract between ourselves and someone that we should swear out alligence to...I wasn't really creative so I decided to write mine to both of my paideia teachers saying that "I (my full name which I'm NOT putting up here) The Psychotic, Son of Robert the Postal, Brother to Matthew the Vain, and follower of the rejected peoples of Apex declare my divine alligence to Cooper the Gleaming(he's bald) and Ferguson the Windmaker(the day before he told us a story about how he terrorized some girls when he was younger with a leaf blower....not that creative of a title I know but like I said I wasn't in the mood to be creative)" I went on and on about what I swear to do for them and it was just a fun thing to write.....

2nd period........Astronomy was pretty boring...we had a test that took some people all period so I was silently talking(WOOT WOOT FOR OXYMORONS!) with my friends Josh and Chris...Chris decided to take out his lighter and set his notebook on fire which went up in smoke in a heartbeat...so he tried to put it out really fast but he couldn't so me and Josh just watched him while we were cracking up...it was great...no one else noticed too!...then about two minutes after he finally gets it out Mrs. Winter announces to the class that she smells smoke and starts sniffing computers trying to find the source...by this point Josh, Chris, and I were in stiches

3rd and 4th period....NOTHING OF ANY IMPORTANCE AT ALLL!

after school we went to the fair...whats happened was everyone(meaning me, Aliana, Jen, Corey, Jill, Rachel, Zach, Matt, Steven, and Lena) met up at corey's house where his mom and Jen's parents took everyone to the fair...the biggest inconvinence was the four knives that I had with me...one of the boot daggers kept falling down my leg and I was pretty scared that it would slide out of its sheath right in front of a cop(who were all over the place by the way) but it wasn't that bad...first most everyone had to get tickets and while we were in line we see this guy that looks like a gigantic rubix cube walk by with a trash bag shouting for people to give him garabge(what a sad job...)...we got a good laugh outta that and then went on a few short rides...next we left to find Lena's picture which was being shown at one of the displays...it was a "scratch art" I think of a baby chewing on a stroller...I think Aliana said that the baby was Lena...after that we went to get something to eat...that was interesting...I immediatly went into a small restaurant looking thing and got a cheesburger and fries...nothing too cool as far as fair food goes...then I go outside after I finish eating and not everyone has decided what to eat yet so I went and got a fried milkyway...........................SICK!

It was like a melted candybar wrapped in corndog dough stuff...everyone ate and made out...literally...according to Rachel I made out with most of the girls there *grins* through ice cream that is...everyone took a lick and then I took a lick so technically I kissed everyone there *laughs* that was only the start of the insanity too....

next we came to this jewlery place that did free engravings so I told Aliana to pick something and she got this little oval shaped necklace that says "Property of *blank* (free engravings for a reason) hands off" guess what we put in there...Cassanova!...hehe so that was the first gift to my Ana I think...

everything else is kinda a blur of random rides and really long lines and random kisses that I stole(I couldn't last very long without one) and rigged fair games that I suck at....

We had a little too much fun with the cotton candy...first I stole some from Aliana's mouth and then Jill tried it and they didn't kiss but it looked convincing enough...and Rachel participated a bit too and so did I...I've still got some pretty blue lips *smirks*

We stopped by a small shop and picked up our usual, unusual toys...Aliana got a tiger stripped cowgirl hat...Rachel got her brother a nifty fuzzy flaming hat...and I got...well I got the most interesting objects of the day...A 6ft bull whip and pink fuzzy handcuffs(double chained for your bondage pleasure)...like I said before...we had too much fun with some things *evil grins*......

The climax of our evening at the fair was the ferris wheel of course...the line for it was insane but the ferris wheel is a MUST for any fair experience...so we used our many cell phones to call our rides(Corey's mom and steven's parents) and tell them that we were gonna be late...so we wait the long wait and just as we're getting on our gondalas the fireworks start *sighs happily* how much movie-like perfection can you ask for? I got to snuggle with my Goop 100 ft in the air while watching the greatest of all elements put into a show of light...for a little while I just watched her eyes for the explosions...I could actually see them which made her eyes look even more amazing than usual...hundreds of stars flickering across those beautiful orbs...*sighs again* but like all good things...it needed to end and so we got off and left the fair after that...our rides took us back to Corey's house where we waited for our individual parents to pick us up...Aliana's mom, Carol, took me, Lena, Aliana(of course) and Jill...rather than go directly to our houses though she was kind enough to take us back to their house where we hung out for a bit and had some pumpkin cookies and soda...had a nice burping contest (which I lost horribly...I'll have to train again) and a small bit of teasing from Aliana and Jill(don't ask)....

all in all...twas a night that will live in infinity...I'm trying to tell myself not to fall in love...I do that too fast and I end up hurting people...so I'm going to wait at least a little longer...just so I can be certain...I don't want to repeat any mistakes I might have made before...but right now...life is good...life is very good indeed

Most every problem has been dealt with in my eyes...all the ones I have much of an impact on anyways...the rest I can't really effect or I don't know about them so I'm gonna just kick back and be my insane self...I'm a lil worried about one thing but I'll get to that later...FIRST!...the good stuff......

...WOOO...We got report cards *sad howl* THESE ARE THE LOWEST GRADES YOU'VE EVER GOTTEN, JAMES....HOW COULD ALLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN...YOU HAVE ONE THING TO DO IN LIFE RIGHT NOW AND THATS TO MAKE GOOD GRADES AND YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT CAN YOU?!?!...yea...thats about the argument I'll be having with my parents when they finally realize how long I've been going to school...Just so you kids out there know...I got a C in Paideia...ya I know thats pathetic...but think about this...hw in that class is considered a test grade in both world civ and english (two test grades) and I did pretty close to no hw in both of those classes...therefore we have pretty close to two zeros for test grades...and if my grade was still able to take that massive blow and give me a C...I'm kinda thinkin thats good...I really should do hw...thats exactly why its taking me so long to blog today...I've been doing world civ hw...and I'm not gonna do the english because I was too stupid to grab my book (oops *sarcastic grin*)...ok thats an honors class so I have a B if you go by GPA's...next we have astronomy...a B...thats pretty damn good considering we did some stuff similar to calc on the first test!...this quarter we're getting into the stuff I already know...planets and theirs orbits and make-up...the stars...black holes especially...the moon and its orbit...I know and love it all...so If I decide to do my hw in there I SHOULD have an A...next up...the dredded Latin 1...I GOT A C!!!!!!...thats tears of joy you see me drowing in...I literally did NOOOOOOOOO hw in that class...I rarely participate and I don't do too hot on the tests...but I somehow managed a C...and finally Geometry where I could've easily pulled an A if I tried but yet again I saw no reason to waste my time on hw (10% of my garde making my final grade an 89.3...out of everything else I lost .7 points!...how cool is that!) so that means I've got something like a 2.8 for my quarter GPA...eeeeeek!...I don't like that so I'll have to work a little harder to make up for this...Latin really is the only class that challenges me at all so I get bored and slack off...it really pissed me off...and Latin is just so tedious and (for me) difficult so I can't ever do much in that class *sigh* so much for happy thoughts huh?...whats something that'll make me happy.............ALIANA! *turns frown upside-down*

What an interesting girl she is...wow I sound like Zach...anyways...yesh...my Goop...she seems to have some self esteem and ego problems...the problem...there is none of either...she doesn't see how beautiful she is(especially her eyes...I love her eyes...like amber drops of honey)...I'm guessing its because she was "plain looking" in middle school so she isn't used to being gorgeous...I guess thats one of the reasons I was sent to her...I'll show her how great she is...and thats only looking at her physically...I've spoken to some people that seem to think that she doesn't deserve me *cracks up* its quite the oppisite...I'm a psycho that isn't exactly hot and I've got someone like her...she is definitly the biggest pervert of girls I've ever met...OH WAIT!...no make that second biggest pervert of girls *glomps SB* SHE IS THE PERVERT TO RULE THEM ALL!...thats one of the coolest things about her...and SB too for that matter...contrary to popular belief I'm not a pervert all the time but its nice to be able to share every aspect of me with her...she makes me smile all the time...I can't help it when I'm around her I just feel so much better and all I can do is smile...*howls happily* this is going to be fun!....SOOOOOOO one more happy thing and then we can drop back into the dark and sad of this blog...I almost feel sorry for this blog...heh...anyways...WE PICKED A FAIR DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....

....FRIDAY!...5pm to 10pm...we are to be at the fair at 4:40ish so we can find each other....a meeting place hasn't been designated yet...OK...now...one more sad song..........

October was a very sad month for me...when I was younger I lost someone very close to me...on the 15th of this month I saw her die...that was why I was so screwed up then...hence the entry about my cuts...and I don't want to elaborate...I was really sad that day but I think I hid it well with the masks *looks back through entries* yea...I thought that was my entry...the one on masks and how bad they are...wow I'm such a hypocrit...but I figured I owed you guys some excuse as to why I was so messed up for seemingly no reason...and also...I'm forgetting...I actually called her "no one of importance" earlier yesterday...how can I do that huh?...be so scared and hurt for so long...and then...nothing...does that mean I'm done mourning or something?...I want some input on how I can be so disrespectful to her...anyone have some ideas?....please?

I decided to try and sleep upstairs last night...actually sleep...I don't trust teh shadows or anything up there yet so i didn't let for of my tear-drop blade for an hour or so and I finally drifted off to sleep...I had lots of dreams...I saw some things I see too often...and then some new fears...ANNA WAS BALD FOR ONE!...heh...that one caught me off guard but it wasn't as scary as some of them...i woke up for the last time at exactly 3:55...I laid awake for a little bit but suddenly felt very very sick...I stumbled down the stairs and tried to go to sleep down there but the pain was awful...was a mix of hunger pains(a lack of lunch or dinner the night before) and something funky going on with me that is more than likely stress related...so I decided to cure one of them and I ate some bannana muffins at 4:30am...the pain didn't subside until it was time to go to my bus stop(needless to say I had plenty of time to get ready)...then today as far as a school day was pretty fun...I went insane in Paideia and laughed a bunch with the crew...Astronomy was great because me and Josh decided that rather than make a boring solar eclipse with clay and a flashlight that we would make gumby and friends do a dance with a spotlight...we just got weird looks from mrs. Winter for that stunt...then in Latin I was there for a grand total of..15 minutes before I had to go to guidance for my annual "Make-Sure-He-Isn't-Going-To-Kill-Us" chat with a councelor...I always tell her everything so I did and I overwhelmed her as usual...isn't it a great feeling when a professional is overwhelmed by a handful fo the problems that you give her?...I guess that means i have an excuse to go insane? *goes insane for a couple of minutes which included maniacal laughter and many fangy grins*...she tells me that I care too much...she says that I prioritize my friends problems before my own...guess what I said...go on GUESS!...oh fine you're no fun...I said "duh"...I'm glad someone gets paid to point out the obvious and it isn't just an untapped job potential...so she says if I'm ever going to be semi-sane I've got to look at every problem and figure if I can do anything and if I can't solve it...then I do nothing...how shitty is that for advice?...but yea I guess I do kinda "care too much" so I'm not gonna do a thing about it except use my massive heartlessness to leave it all alone when its time to change the subject...lunch was fairly uneventful...and GEOMETRY KICKED ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

...we actually went through 3 substitutes through the single period...and all three of em were pretty cool...the last one was some guy...Mr. Macrae I think his name was...he kicked us out of the classroom...locked it...and left campus for the last 10 minutes...I liked him...I visited some classes and teachers that I haven't seen in awhile...I shoulda visited mrs. White...but I'll do that another time...and now...now it's time to fix my grades from last quarter and do some hw...*reluctantly drags himself away*

MAN! I've been so out of it lately! I've never atcually sat down long enough to think about all the things I've worried about lately because I've never really had the time but now that I do I'm noticing how weak my mind really is...I've got a lot of work to do in that department...but thats not what this blog is about...well...this entry...it turns out that Skyler wasn't responsible for some of the cruel things said on Aliana's blurty...erm...no offense to Skyler...its just well yea...you seemed like the most likely canidate and I'd like to apoligize for my jumping to conclusions...and it turns out that the people responsible are friends of mine...I had some words with both of them and I don't think that they'll be doing anything like that again...but during our "words" I again showed my mental weakness and turned out to be the one apoligizing to them...I don't really want to consider it a weakness its just that I felt the hurt in there words and felt bad about it...one of them apoligized to me and explained things and said that she was sorry about the whole thing...that was good enough for me...

so a bunch of problems and stressors are coming to a close now...so ya know what that means don't ya? PARTY TIME!...except I think I have to wait another couple weeks or something for the party...I'm not really that concerned with the party more than I am with things finally getting back to normal...

...I don't see as much of my dad as I'd like to...don't get me wrong...he's the greatest parent a kid could ask for...but it seems that lately he just isn't around...me and my mom fight alot...its like we can't have a single conversation where we don't end up pissed at eachother...I guess its both of us being immature and tired...she never really cares about anything thats going on in my life...except when her caring will make things harder for me...take last week for example...when I went out with Aliana and the Queen to dinner(HAD SOOOOOOOO MUCH FUN!) usually she doesn't care what happens to me...but at the request of the Goop I called her up and asked if I could go and she played 20 questions with me about what was going on...she even asked about my HW!...most of you might think that is pretty normal but not for my mom...I can usually tell her that I'm going out and give her a timeframe of when I'll be home...it just bothers me...and when I jokingly told her that there may be some kind of sleep over type thing with an old (guy) friend she tells me no before I even get to who it is...just midsentence "Yea, there may be a sleepover at-" "NO"...gee thanx mom...I'll battle with her about it later and see if I can still go...and if not...I'll go anyways...that might be one of the reasons why she hates me so much...but I don't wanna talk about her...this paragraph is for my dad...hes such a great guy...he taught me everything that I need to know that isn't schoolastic...he taught me how to fight...how to use most any weapon that I can use (from throwing daggers to whips)...he taught me all of my morals (yes I DO have morals)...respect, love, logic, how to deal with situations...the tragedy of my dad's life rivals any life that I've ever read about...ANYONE...after Kelly he is my best friend in the family...I used to tell him everything...not anymore though...we've both changed...and now we can hardly tell jokes anymore without disagreeing with something...I'd really like to have my dad back...it'd be nice to be able to tell him all this stuff...too late now...I saw him for a grand total of 20 minutes yesterday...and within that time he managed to call me a lazy bastard and tell me that he won't give me a ride next time I need one(his universal threat) and then he gave me a gift that he picked up at the woodworking convention that he went out of town for...it was a new knife!...

...Its a silver blade...literally the alloy it is made of is silver...its insanely sharp...I was shocked by how sharp it was...it cut me with the weight of the blade which is a little over 4 oz. total...the blade is in a tanto style which means that from the tip the blade runs down both sides (the upper and lower) the upper part of the tanto usually just ends but this one ends and then becomes a a tooth in the blade...and the tooth is barbed!...needless to say I was a happy little psycho yesterday...

...I have youth today...yea...I'm still apart of that...because of youth I get to make brownies for my class and bring drinks...and bring some chips........and a prayer...I'll really have to dig deep for something like that but I can do it...all I have to do is ask God for everything that I ask of myself right?...that seems simple enough...*sigh* time for breakfast...so I'm going to take a shower now and then eat whatever's left over...like I've said...I'm one weird guy....

I decided not to give some nifty symbolic title to this entry because it is totally different than all the others..."how?" you ask? BECAUSE COPRAH SAYS SOOOOOOOO! *clears throat* I mean...because it's gonna be happy!

Yesterday was friday which makes me happy for no reason whatsoever anyways. I had some good stuff happen that made it even better! In paideia we're reading Arabian Nights and that is pretty cool...I'm getting a kick out of it...next we have astronomy where Josh(a super immature and cool senior) and myself played with a moon globe and discovered a whole bunch of really fun names of the craters...like lick...there is a crater named lick...*blinks a couple times and cracks up*...near the end of class I saw my grade...and discovered something horribly wrong with it...IT WAS A C! but then I had some words with my teacher and we found out that she gave me an 8 on a project instead of an 80 and that upped the grade enough to throw me over the edge into the B range...the rents will be displeased...but less so than if I got a C...

and then we have the all-annoying LATIN CLASS! *insert scary music here* but it wasn't that bad...the entire class came together to do one assignment and we all have identical answers so Magistra will be pissed unless we all got 100 *evil grins* I'm so bad...oh we had a substitute so Magistra didn't get the chance to notice that we were working together...

4th period was dull...we did math...we sang some songs from honors chorus *does a silly dance* I danced!...and that concludes the school day...I don't THINK that anything else important happened...

Next I came home...I watched the rest of the Trigun series(IIII LLLLLLOVVVVEEEEE IIIIITTTTT)...and then I discovered that the all powerful Juniper was planning a gathering! *waves flags* YYAAAAAYYYYY...so who came?...wellllllll...
Me
Jen
Katie
Goop
Dragon Lady
Anna
Megan
and Zach
...I brought some movies to watch but we decided that rather than watch some teenage or adult movie like matrix 2 or some other live-action movie...we watched treaure planet!...It was pretty good...aside from all the breathing in space stuff...before the movie came on I lost my shirt...I forget how I lost my shirt (I know I took it off but I forget why I did)...and I had to tackle a vampi-chan in the dark for it...that was kinda fun...there was ALOT of wrestling last night and I was only involved with a few rounds before I realized that I was no match for the females and I decided to randomly tickle them...The movie part was fun (much snuggle-time with my Goop!) half of us seemed to have a really good time but some of us *cough* Zach *cough cough* decided to sleep instead so maybe a different movie would've been better for teh overall audience. I'm not even gonna mention the other individuals that seemed like they weren't having a good time but I'm going say that "NEXT TIME YOU WILL HAVE FUN!" I had a blast...I really needed last night too (reference back two entries before this one) and it was a great way to start this weekend...now I'm gonna go work out because I'm on a sugar high....I LOVE YOU ALLLLLLLL!

(post script: GOD I have worse mood swings than a pregnant woman!)

001) What time are you starting this?: 9:28pm
003) Date of birth?: 5-02-88
004) Sex?: hmmm...I'm a guy...but not your average guy...I'm a Dave
005) Height?: 5' 4"
006) Eye color?: dark brown
008) Location?: my home computer in my house in NC
009) Where were you born?: south florida
010) Have you ever failed a grade?: HAHAHA NO!!!
011) If you have, what grade did you fail?: kindergarden through 8th
013) Do you have a bf/gf?: mhmm!
014) If so, what is their name: Aliana, Ana, The Goop, Princess of Dorkius, Queen of Goopala, horned angel...shes got a lot more that I don't memorize and haven't given to her
015) How long have you been together?: 26 days
016) What are you wearing right now?: I just took a shower so...not much
017) Would you have sex before marriage?: wrong guy to look for morals in
018) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: *cracks up*MR. DERDA!....NO...I live in NC therefore...NOOOOOOOOOO
019) Do you smoke? its bad for you...and its lasting
020) Do you drink?: some angels told me I shouldn't because they don't like me drunk
021) Are you ghetto?: *cracks up* no
023) Are you a player?: not anymore...stopped a while ago
024) What are your favorite colors?: black goes well with a contrast
025) What is your favorite animal?: large reptiles...I love em
026) Do you have any birthmarks?: yea...its the dent in my head from being dropped down teh stairs by my uncle
027) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: mhmm...lots of times by my brother...you think he'd stop after he wins...NOT IN MY FAMILY!
029) Have you ever beat someone up?: ...I haven't...someone else did
030) Annoyances? what...like pet peeves...people that are bigger hipocrits than me!
031) Have you ever been slapped?: i'm a pervert with billions of girls for friends of course!
032) Do you get online a lot?: its how I live
033) Are you shy or outgoing?: LETS PLAY SUCK AND BLOW!...oh me?...i'm shy
034) Do you shower?: see question #16
035) Do you hate school?: i live for school
036) Do you have a social life?: mhmm...some crazy peoples we are...when we are older we are going to get our own floor at the saneasylum...I LOVE THESE PEOPLE!
037) How easily do you trust people?: I'll trust you...I'll respect you...but I won't tell you my secrets until you've made me cry
038) Have you ever lied to your bestfriends?: done worse than that
039) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: heheheHAHAHA theres an understatment
040) Would you ever sky dive?: nooo wayyyyy
041) Do you like to dance?: I LIKE to dance...when I CAN dance...which is never btw
068) Have you ever been out of state?: lets see...I was born in FL and I live in NC...nope never been outta state
069) Do you like to travel?: right now...everything that i want is here
070) Have you ever been expelled from school?: i thought i was gonna b once
071) Have you ever been suspended from school?: HELLLLLL YEA!
071) Do you want to get out of your hometown?:my hometown...its a ghetto...seriously...i visited it a couple years back...its totally changed...i'm not going back
073) Are you a brat?: i'm just a dick...
074) Have you ever been dumped?: hmmm...at least 13 times
075) Have you ever gotten high?: yea...dont do it kids...not worth it
076) What's your favorite drink?: lumbrusco...its soooooo gooooodddddd
077) Do you like Snapple?: erm...i guess so...not a huge fan of juice
078) Do you drink a lot of water?: definitly not
079) What toothpaste do you use?: uhhh crest?
080) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: i got a cell!
081) Do you have a curfew?: when my mom is pissed at me there is a curfew that she made that is only in effect when she is mad
082) Who do you look up to?: my stronger friends...thats alot of people
083) Are you a role model?: *cocky grin* hell yea
084) Have you ever been to Six Flags?: nope
085) What name brand do you wear the most?: levi's i think...dont really notice the jeans name
086) What kind of jewelry do you wear?: my ring...random necklaces...i used to have a gauntlet and claws...USED to
087) What do you have pierced?: nothing...i wanna get an ear
088) What do you want pierced?: oh...didnt see this question
089) Do you like taking pictures?: yea...not too good at it thogh...unless its animals...i chased a bunch of deer all over the virginia mountains for a picture...i got one when i was 3 feet away
090) Do you like getting your picture taken?: I look stoned ALLLLL the time!
091) Do you have a tan?: i have a natural tan...but nothing special
092) Do you get annoyed easily?: yesh...wayyy too easily...but i dont get mad easily...once in two years
093) Have you ever started a rumor?: yea...i have a big mouth...i want people to trust me...tell me not to talk and i wont...but if u dont specifically tell me i'm an idiot...thats a good reason not to tell me things
094) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: no real need for it
095) Do you have your own pool?: that'd be cool...pool parties...but right now i'm just wishing for a room
096) Do you have any siblings?: 3....Kelly23, matt19, tina12
097) Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: boxers...i love my boxers...help me get a breeze every now and then...i dont wanna stay caged ALL the time
098) Have you ever been played?: not without knowing about it
099) Have you ever played anyone?: yes
100) Do you get along with your parents?: my parents are adults i live with...they know nothing about me or my life and friends...i like my dad though...hes cool...
102) How do you vent your anger?: ...well....i used to....
103) Have you ever run away?: yes...3 days before the cops found me
104) Have you ever been fired from a job?: my agent quit
105) Do you even have a job?: odd jobs
106) Do you daydream a lot?: too much violence in my head to let myself do that too often
107) Do you think pregnant chicks should smoke?hell no i dont think anyone should smoke
108) Do you run your mouth?:oh yea!...i'm a self absorbed prick that will tell u my life story if u let me...dont let me
109) What do you want a tattoo of?: Japanese symbol of Chaos on my left upper arm for cover
110) What do you have a tattoo of?: an X across my chest and small words in other areas
111) What are your favorite flowers?: something exotic...roses are romantic...but i like being unique
112) What does your ex bf/gf look like?: theres a good question...shes my height...a very unique girl indeed...kinda tomboyish...brown hair down to her shoulder blades and brown doe-eyes
113) What does your most recent crush look like?: shes 4'11" that in its self makes me happy...i've never dated anyone that much shorter than me...light brown hair and hazel-ish eyes that i get lost in everyday
114) Have you ever been bitched out?: u can't be me and not pissed off some women somewhere
115) When was the last time you bitched someone out?:i try not to bitch too many people out...but i probably yelled at jill about something last
116) Are you rude?: oh yea...like i said...i'm a dick
117) What was the last compliment you received?: "Dave, You're so sweet"...SB
118) Do you like getting dirty?: wow...the ways i could take that would answer this question...and not physically...no i hate getting dirty
119) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: innie
121) What is your heritage?: 1/2italian 1/4irish...and the other 1/4 is 478312941732847123843 different other things
122) What is your lucky number?:666...it haunts me
123) What does your hair look like right now?: it looks black cause its wet
124) Could you ever be a vegetarian?:HELLL NO! WHERES THE BEEF!
125) When was your last real heartbreak?: need a heart for that...its still out there
126) Describe your looks?: AND THIS IS TO SEE JUST HOW VAIN YOU ARE...so lets say...i'm vertically short...a mere 5'4"...dark dark brown eyes that i used to think were black when i was young...dark brown hair that looks black when its wet...maaaaaaaaddddddd ance that i HATE!...and moderate build
128) Would you ever date someone younger than you?: already have
129) Would you ever date someone older than you?: mhmm...done that too
130) When was the last time you were drunk?:couple months ago
131) When was the last time you went on a date?: just the two of us?...when we went to teh movies a coupel weeks ago to see underworld
133) Have you ever given?: *points to a scar*got that for giving
134) Have you ever received?: *points to another scar* i recieved this
135) Have you ever had an eating disorder?: i lost 25lbs...without lifting a finger...u tell me if u think i do
136) Do you have one now?: i dont think so...i eta too much right now i think
137) How many rings until you answer the phone?:as soon as i get to it
138) Have you ever been skinnydipping?: mhmm!
139) If yes, when was the last time?: wooo...long time ago
140) Do you look more like your mother or father?:my dad...
141) Do you cry a lot?: i wish i could
142) Do you ever cry to get your way?:nope
143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?:ooo000ooo...my left arm...its the most useless one
144) What phrase do you use most when on the phone?: "so how you doin *insert head bobbing here*"
145) Are you the romantic type?: mhmm...i'm yelled at for that alot
146) Have you ever been chased by cops?: ooo00000ooooo yea!
147) What do you like most about your body?:...i'm very discontent with my body...but i like my hair right now
148) What do you like least about your body?: EVERYTHING!
150) When was the last time you threw up?: i dont exactly write that down....uhhh...a couple months?
151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: BRUNETTES!...sorry girls but i love teh darker hair
152) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: black sneakers
153) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: oh yea!....no
154) What about cleavage?:do guys have cleavage?
155) Is your best friend a virgin?: hmmm...most everyone i know is a virgin so i'll bet yea
156) Have you ever fucked someone up?: u mean...like fucked them?...*shifty eyes* no comment
157) Have you ever been fucked up?: no comment
158) What color are your underwear right now?: red
159) What theme does your room have?: right now i'm going for the construction zone look with the whole NOT BEING FINISHED BEING BUILT!
160) What size shoe do you wear?: 10
167) What do you sleep in?: boxers...unless it gets reaaaaaallyyyyyyyy hot
168) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: people leave me alone because of teh rumors about me
169) What is one of your bad qualities?: oooo000ooo lets pick one out of the hat...my looks!
170) What is one of your good qualities?: ...i dont know
171) Would you marry for money?: i'm bad...i'm not that bad
172) What do you drive?: my parents crazy
173) Have you ever given or received roadhead?:no
174) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: neither
175) What does your lj username mean?:*skip*
176) What's your favorite lj to read?: *skip*
177) When was the last time you cried in school?: i refuse to let just anyone see me when i'm weak...3rd grade but it was a field trip not school
178) Do you wear Chucks?: what the hell?
179) What time are you finished?10:44pm

I've been pondering why everyone is so different...do you think that people would be the same if they grew up the EXACT same way...theres no way to tell really...we can never perfectly replicate the same surroundings...and some people's lives...we shouldn't try to re-create........

As I look at most of the peoples pasts that I know...I find that alot of them say they've had it hard...many of them deserve to be able to say that...but there are only three that have anything compared to me...I'm not going to discuss them...or the details of my hidden past that made it so miserable...but from 6th grade on I'll discuss most anything...

I was already super depressed in 4th and 5th grades...semi-suicidal although I won't admit it to anyones face that I was then...I hated all three of the schools I went to for those two years...and then...middle school started...my parents noticed I didn't fit in here so they decided to send me to a "gifted and talented school"...Ligon...I was the third stop on the morning bus route and so I had to catch it at 5:15ish...my bus had tons of stops and so it was a LOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNGGGGGG ride...I made some friends on the bus...and many many more at school...I discovered many things about human nature over my two years at that school...I eventually discovered how to bend the rules of the school and how so few of them actually applied...I sent a kid to the hospital...he said he fell down the stairs...even enemies wouldn't say a word about the fights...that was my last fight there...I was in over 20...I could've been in many more but the opportunities seemed to fade as I reached for them...I liked the fights...I loved the rush of understanding of how the human body works...especially how each muscule and tendon bends...I lived for the thrill of feeling the adreniline flow in my veins...there is no feeling like that feeling...I always justified my fights..."He hit a girl" or "He did something to deserve it" and then I'd walk away...now that I look back on it...I was a jerk...a real ass hole that didn't deserve the small feelings of good that I managed to get out of that life...it felt like I was happy but I knew I wasn't...I was really really bad then...I tried to kill myself several times...I cut myself almost nightly...and through most everything...no one was the wiser...I used the masks I spoke about yesterday to hide it all...but nowadays I'm tired of hiding...

I'm a different person now...my very last fight that I had was in either grade...I started it...I ended it...20 seconds...it took two teachers to pry me off his unconscious body...he woke up a couple moments later...and I didn't get in any trouble...and that was in private school...I loved that...but I vowed not to use violence again...I hate it...I hate every bit of it...but for some reason I can't get it out of my head...I can't behind my skill anymore...I've gotten worse at it I'm sure since I haven't fought in such a long time...so now I have some other things going on...

...I worked with people that called themselves a gang...we weren't a real one...but I proved my worth to them...I took my shirt off and cut a large X across my chest...as my blood flowed down I didn't breathe...and the leader smiled...I did some things I'm not proud of then...please no one judge me on that life...I was numb...I didn't feel it...and now I'm wide awake...

I often have nightmares now...I see people...all the time I see people...they get hurt...they die...the forth worst thing I've ever experienced is to have a friend kill themself...while I was talking to them...it was on the phone...and I've never told anyone about it...she called...said she was tired of it...I tried to talk her out of it...and then i heard the phone drop...and the painful silence...

...Suicide is going to be the theme of tonight...I can relate alot of my life to it...I've tried several methods myself...my family doesn't know a thing about any of em...I have family and friends that have always shocked all of us by their attempts...and occasional sucess...

Today...was the straw that broke the camels back...innocence is gone now...all thats left...is what we'll have to work on...I don't know what else is worth protecting...and I don't know what I'm bitching about...I'm fine...I don't deserve any spotlight of pity or sympathy...and I don't want it...I'll be happy again...just as soon as I know what to do...mhmm...things 'ill be just fine!

I love making my titles...I'm in a nifty kind of mood...I've been watching alot of Trigun so I'm all about that and I may accidently quote it because it has ALOT of sayings that are true to life...Vash (the main character) reminds me of me...he doesn't like hurting people but people are always hurt around him...and he doesn't like his past but that is a totally different issue...I hate seeing people get harmed...especially when there was no point to it...useless pain and useless hurt just add onto everything thats already out there...and there is already wayyyy too much of it out there...

I used to think that it was in my nature to help people...then I saw how much pain around me and just kinda figured that it is somehow meant to be part of my life to see pain around me and know the feeling of helplessness most of all...I see my friends and all of them walk around with masks on...very few of them show their real feelings...I see the masks...but I can never tell what they're hiding...I've been really distant from friends lately so I can't exactly blame them for not trusting me with their every problem...or any problem for that matter...but I can still tell they're hurting...something is bothering everyone...and nothing is going to be better until people take those damn masks off and stop playing games...things only get fixed when you fix them...well most everyone knows it somewhere in their hearts(which I've recently discovered EVERYONE has)...but it's a difficult thing to do...kinda like being straight forward with a person you like...I've had 18 gf's now(and thats official "going steady" girl friends) and I still can't do it right...I can never just on an impulse ask someone out...I have to get some kind of reassurance...everything is kinda like that...we aren't sure how people are going to take what we tell them...so we drop clues and play mind games to try and predict what they'll do...and we can STILL never be sure until we've tried...so stop playing your silly games...its hard...but being direct will make everythign go so much smoother...the masks don't work and I've been miserable because of it...I see the masks...I see your hurt...but I never know why...HOW COME NO ONE TRUSTS ME ANYMORE?!?!

*breathes quick staggered breaths and chuckles* I don't know whats wrong with me anymore...I've considered getting professional help soon...but I'm not really sure if I need it...I watch my friends hurt...and I loathe every second of it...I second guess my choices...and wonder if I'd still be happy if I suffered a little bit longer...and since I'm a guy...it all turns into violent energy...I don't know how to turn it into anything else...I don't know how to get rid of that energy in any other way...other than...ways I've used in my past...and I can't go back to those ways...there was too much pain for others...and the way that hurt me?...even that hurts others now because of people that love me...I get hurt...they find out...they worry about me...and they feel the same hurt that I tried to get rid of...only when blood flows does the pain feel lessened...tears only hurt more...and I don't have anymore tears to cry either...so what does someone like me do?...I have no way to release this hurt...and no way to stop it from coming...so what do I do?...I don't know what to do!...someone please tell me WHAT SHOULD I DO!?

I'm in astronomy and borrrrreeedddd

OK...I'm not able to make this a very long entry since my lil sis needs to do a project that she has prcrastinated on and it's due tomorrow...so I need to make this run on sentence quick...MY DAY WAS BOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIINNNNNNNGGGGG...the end

...nah I'll elborate for those of you out there that just can't get enough of my blog...most of my day was boring...I was kinda sad about my grade on my astonomy midterm...I felt like I did so well on it but I got an 82 at the lowest (I say "at the lowest" because there were some problems that may promote my grade...none that will lower it though)...I was SUPPOSED to take my second half of my latin midterm today but Magistra (thats latin for female teacher and she insists that we call her that) wasn't here so she decided to postpone it

...lunch was...well lunch is one of the highlights of my day because I get to spend most of it with an angel in my arms...well kinda an angel...the horns?...uhhh her halo is at the cleaners and the horns are loaners! *chuckles* after lunch we have my new favorite class of the day...GEOMETRY!...yes...I am crazy but geometry has been very kind to me lately...on the past two tests I've gotten a 97 and I got a 93 on the midterm! *does a happy snoopy dance*

...and then I did some stuff...and now I'm home wanting to write a short story but every time I get the chance someone will need the computer in 10 minutes *glares at the runt...my sister the runt!*...I wanna really quick talk about some things...first off...the Skyler thingy that has become a growing concern of mine...lets everyone just leave everyone else alone with the negetivity...I'm sorry if there are hurt feelings out there...but this insanity needs to stop....

OK there have been enough 479183478916482376418327 page long entries about that topic so lets talk about something fun...THE FAIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....yesh...we must ALLLLLLLL go to the fair...PEOPLES NEED TO GET TICKETS AND WE MUST ALLL PLAN A DAY TO GO!...yesh...thats about all...I'd suggest a chat of as many people as possible to suggest at least the best date for everyone to do this...mhmm...I hope this'll work out but we need to get started on it PRONTO!...*giggles...doesn't chuckle...giggles!* ok much love for all!

OK in my last entry I mentioned my religion predicament...and some people don't exactly understand my reasoning behind my beliefs...or lack thereof...so rather than be placed into a sterotype of uneducated lazy bastards that call themsleves atheist just because they don't want to put forth the effort of practicing their faith...I am not a part of that group of people...

...I have thought about religion...not just me and my family's religion but every root religion and where it all started...it struck me that religion was first designed to explain everything...we say today that Greek mythology are just fun stories but I'm pretty sure that at one point in time...a group of people belived them to be the truth...then science came along and explained most of that stuff to us...so mythology took a backseat to science then...all that is left to be disproven is the afterlife...and creation...I honestly don't care about creation...not at all...the afterlife can hang on for a while but I still highly doubt their being any truth in a single god...don't get me wrong I'm not trashing religion...I just disagree with it...

...my religion...Roman Catholisism...believes in some very far fetched things...they can be compared to childrens fables that tell us what we should do and how we should act...except rather than explaining it with a "Big Bad Wolf" we have the thought that if we are good and fight the good fight in our lifetime that we will be rewarded and if we are bad...then we are given to that villan of our nightmares...I just look at all these stories and everything and see that there is no proof for them...no more than I see proof for our souls going to the underworld and being judged by Hades or one of his lower gods...

...Again I don't mean any offense to those of you that do believe...I still respect your opinions and have no problems with it...I just don't see a reason why I should be a part of any religion at the moment...if you see why you are where you are then kudos to you...but please do not think me as less a person simple because I disagree with you

Yesterday was very very very funnnnnnnnn!...I finally got out of this friggen house!...I spent most of the day working out though which felt rrreeeeeaaaaalllllllyyyyyy good...it's been forever since I've done a hardcore 3 hour workout so I'm insanely sore right now *flexes "guns" which instantly deflate*...ANYWAYS!...I had uber fun at the gathering last night...we couldn't get a whole lot of people to come but we had enough...we watched a silly 80's medieval movie that had the nifty 80's music to it and corny lines and the very silly man from ferris bewler's(sp) day off...that was fun...got a lil bored of watching it but I had my Goop there with me so both of us had a good time *beams* twas a four hour gathering but the Goop's rents wanted to her home at 9 but the Queen was "accidently late" and came around 9:20-9:30ish but before that I fell into ecstasy several times of which those times were interrupted by matt with his camera and a small but interesting "fight"...that was kinda fun...the Goop and I didn't see most of it so we had no idea what was going on...after the Goop had to leave we headed downstairs for a "snack" and I am abusing the quotes aren't I? but either way we broke out tons of food including caramel(sp) and a bunch of sweets to make us hyper and sticky...we had a little too much fun with the caramel *pokes halo* I wish the Goop was there for at least that part...but I was still breathing her so I didn't quite miss her as much as I do now *sad howl* and then the climax of last night occur when we looked at Ana's blurty and someone sent her a comment saying that "I don't think you deserve James. Not one bit." and just for those of you that may think the same thing...keep your opinions to yourself because both of us are happy right now and I've got some rage issues and THAT is a perfect way to catch a glimpse of middle school me(people that know me well will understand that)...so right now I wanna know who that was...it seems to be the popular opinion that it is Skyler although I'd love to see some proof against that but I can't help but feel some anger toward him right now...I spent alot of last night controlling that so I don't do anything stupid today or tomorrow...the Dragon Lady was also upset about it and possibly some other things but I don't know...not my place to say...

onward to something else...the all powerful and all mighty topic of James and religion *gasps from the crowd* I was raised a Roman Catholic...and I have always been a Roman Catholic and beleived that anything that a preist said was straight from God's mouth...*laughs* that stopped when I was in 7th grade along with most everything that remained of my innocence...I questioned their beleifs and came to the conclusion that I no longer beleive in God...my parents are both real heavy on beleiving and being a good christian so I never told them...I messed around with the occult for a little while but that was also childish in my eyes and I have agreed on atheism...NOW my parents want me to get confirmed...for roman Catholics that is supposed to happen between freshman and senior year of high school...my parents let it slide last year but now they are forcing me into the faith...I realized now that I had no choice but to tell them that I don't beleive in their faith...and ya know what they told me?..."too bad" they gave me some BS about while I'm apart of this family I will live by this family's religion...way to go mom...thats exactly how to provoke your already screwed up son to run away *thumbs up to parentals then flicks them off*...but don't worry, kidlings..I'm staying put and fighting the good fight...after I thought about it I figured it wouldn't be so bad...the confirmation classes are only once a month and two of my favorite cousins would be in the classes with me...however...when I went to the first meeting they told me I have to be a part of their "faith formation classes" so I can be properly educated and their version of what theology is...it can't even be called theology...thats the study of religion and as far as I know...we're only talking about one branch of one religion...way to suck all the fun out of an already boring science...and so now I if I am supposed to do the confirmation thingy...I have to spend every sunday from 5:50 to 8:30 at my church wasting my time on a religion that is so common sense it isn't even funny...I will make it fun by making my teachers life hell...I've never been able to devote my entire time to that purpose at school but I don't give a damn about this so I think I'll try that out...*growls about how much the 1st amendment is being ignored and I can't do anything about it because as a minor I am property*...and whats teh greatest part about all of this....I'm doing it with a smile *cracks up*

As promised...a descriptive blog entry of my days...been two since my last entry...no wait make that three...but i dont remember wednesday...so anyways thursday I had an interesting day...my classes were pretty pointless as usual but some friendlies decided to make my day more fun...spent most of lunch with my goop *sighs happily* who needs food anyways?...after school I went to a school sponsered concert (try saying that 5 times fast) at the baptist church thats walking distance from my house...I wouldn't have normally gone but Ana and many many many others were going...so I made the time in my busy schedule *cough* playing videogames *cough cough*

LOVE......I sat up in the balcony with the goop family and her friends...whenever my princess came out I leaned into the railing and watched only her...the choir dresses have lil sparklies (sparklies...yesh...sparklies...watch the secret of nihm...jeremy says it) so everything would go out of focus and all i'd see her her face and a bunch of flashes of light around her...they looked like little stars all around her and I seriously thought I was dreaming because some of the songs they sang almost put me to sleep...but then Ryan said something to me and I came out of it...it was definitly some kind of magik...I walked home afterward (TOTALLY OPTIONAL!)...I watched the moon and dreamed of her...

HATE......and then I woke up late today...I managed to get to school and all...just bearly in time to make up some excuse to get out of my tardyness...I went to my classes...did my voodo...saw my goop between each class...not a whole lot happened...I had my astronomy, latin, and geometry midterms today...I love exams...I always do really well on them...unfrotunatly my latin one was vocab based...and we had to list like 6 forms of each word...and I didn't know that...I only studied one...so there were like 12 blanks left over from the words I couldn't figure out...I have the second half of the test on monday...its open note so I'll b able to conjugate and decline like no other!

MARSHMELLOW BRAS...the Dragon Lady and Katie decided to test the theory of marshmellow eating boobs...so they put marshmellows in their bras...*twitches* in their bras *again* in thei-in thei-in their bras! *cracks up* wow I love crazy women...needless to say we discovered that their boobs do NOT eat marshmellows...and they also discovered that they are hot!...yesh...I just said the dragon lady and my ex gf are hot...why am I saying this?well there is the obvious response...and then there is the fact that they have marshmellows in their bras for a lil under 2 hours and the marshmellows melt!...how do you melt marshmellows with body heat?!?!...ok yea...I'm finished with that now...

I just got back from a football game at apex...I love seeing everyone but remind me to never to go to one of those again...there are too many people that are there to see the game that get mad at us for getting up midplay and stuff...they have ever right to get mad if we get in there way...but I don't like being yelled at...and I was bored...I got to see my Anna Bannana!...I LOVEEEEEEE YOUUUUU ANNNNNAAAAA!!!!!!...but I like seeing her at gatherings better...*yawns* tired!...ok where was I?...uhhh yesh...SB WAS SUUUUUUPPPOOOOOSSSSSEEDDDD to come tonight...I think she was...but there was no fluff...I was sad...oh well I got to see corey do his orcness at the halftime thingy..."One Band To Rule Them All!"...I'm gonna make like a duck and get the flock outta here now!

life tis good...it is very very good...like I said in my last entry....I know nothing of the bad things in the world at the moment and I like that...I know how the bag guy in the first matrix felt now...he was stuck in such an awful world where there was pain and suffering...and a constant fight(oo000oooo a constant fight...ring any bells?)...then he has the offer to customize his own world where he knows nothing of the pain nothing of the fight...something like that would make a weak person kill for ignorance...I on the other hand...try not to be weak...so I am going to enjoy my moment of not knowing anything...consider it a continuance of my mental vacation that was interrupted earlier...I'll enjoy it...every minute of it...and then when the problems come back...I'll be able to handle them...I've got the friends and I will have the power to fix things...so all will be good...

next plan...well not really a plan...just a good thing...erm...good person...yea you know what I mean...Aliana...shes just...so perfect...and I mean that...perfect to me...her beauty STILL has be stunned...the conversations we have are great...we can talk about the shadows of our past or the art of hickies...and we share many of the same friends and the people that aren't within the same circle get along with everyone and everything just fits together so perfectly...

...*happy sigh* things are going to be goooooooooooooo00000000ooooooooooooddddd for a lil while...today was a good day...nothing really happened...but lil minor good things...nothing I can remember...I promise I'll have a more descriptive entry on my day next time!...just too happy to keep my mind on anything coherent right now...

The world appears to be calming down...as I predicted now that all the madness with the play is through...our original lives are closing how much of the emotional spectrum they touch...the INSANE problems that people our age should never have to deal with are either being solved in one way or another...or people have simply stopped telling me about them...

I'm gonna go with teh latter of the two and say that ignorance is bliss...I'm back to being happy...only one or two minor problems and one slightly larger than minor problem that will have to be dealt with soon...

That problem is Skyler...he would be my Goop's ex boyfriend...he is a nice enough guy...but they had a rough breakup and I don't know most every detail...but now he is annoying Ana and leaving really annoying comments on her Blurty making it sound like he has all the answers and we are the ameteurs of relationships...she says she loves me and he says we are "only 15 and we can't possibly know what "true" love is"...thats pretty much true...but it doesn't stop me from loving Aliana in everyway that I can...Skyler needs to accept that they are over and leave Aliana alone with his badgering...I've been staying out of it for now...but if he doesn't lay off soon I'm going to get involved...and I don't want to make an enemy of Skyler...

OK happier note...I saw Underworld lats night with my Princess Goop...very very good movie...as much as I wanted to kiss Aliana I couldn't find very many good parts to do it because I was so into the movie...and for those of you that know me well THAT is saying alot about the movie...it has some great fight scenes and used some weapons that I've only though about creating I've never actually seen them exist but whoever designed them managed to work out all of the kinks that I found in them apparently...and I'm a rambling weapons collector *curls up in ball* so in short...love Aliana...GO SEE UNDERWORLD!!...and school is a bitch...oh silly me did I forget to mention that last one? yea school sucks...can't elaborate too much...lunch and teh 'tween of classes is the best part...but life is still good...very good and its only getting better.....

I'm messing around with my blogger template and stuff so don't bother with this entry...do I have a comments thingy at the end of all of my entries now?

My show started on thursday...I haven't blogged in two days so we've performed two whole times!...and I have another performance tonight...the first one went really really really superpendiously!...the second one...well it could've been alot better..we were forgetting lines and screwing up props left and right...I was really pissed off about it and I hurt my hand when I punched the pillar backstage...I took a chunk out of it too *feels strong and stupid like my brother* I don't want to go tonight but I have to...at least its closing night so all I have to do is redeem myself from last night and go to sleep...I'm supposed to go to the cast party but I don't think I will...the cast doesn't really like me that much and I prefer being anti-social to some people...

but enough about all that garbage...lets talk about happy stuff!...I'm coming back in latin class...I have two tests next week *dies* but I'll do fine on them since I understand what goes on in that class now...speaking of class...the weirdest thing happened to me in astronomy...we were making celestial spheres and I get to work with all the sharp stuff...but I suddenly stopped...I just felt a rage flow into my blood...I didn't know what it was...I wanted to hurt someone for no reason...I had to stop it so I dropped the scalpel (could do alot of damage with that huh) and jumped up out of my seat and walked to the corner...everyone was working so I hoped they didn't notice but then Taylor (a really annoying really stupid senior) shouts "Mrs. Winter! James just had a mental breakdown!" so all eyes drift to me and I had to get out of there before I snapped. Mrs. Winter was nice enough to let me out of class for a minute ot go get a "drink of water or something" I chose to do something. I walked upstairs to the Goop's french class and caught a glimpse of her in there...all the rage went away...I went back to class and sat back down...my group thankfully finished what we were working on so I zoned out for the rest of class...

...weird huh?...I've been having feelings like that for a long time...I'm really starting to get scared about this...I'm becoming less of who I am because of this...I make stories up to cover up whats really wrong...because I don't know whats wrong...everything is going well again...but I still feel like there is something wrong like I have something better I should be doing...but I can't think of what...and I'm back to being screwed up...whats wrong with me?!?!... is it because of last summer?...did all of us "grow up" prematurely because of all the things we did?...now our minds don't fit our bodies and the innocence is fading...

...what a great way to start my weekend huh?...by figuring that me and most of my closest friends have developed a group mental disorder...I wonder if everyone else is feeling this disconnection to the way everyone is thinking...after the show last night I was too tired to put on a happy face...I think the tiredness is what showed most...and I was really pissed at the play so none of my friends noticed...the dragonlady seemed odd last night too...she didn't seem sad or happy...just different...I felt like I should've given her a much bigger hug...I haven't been sleeping too well thanx to all of this taxation on my mind without representation...WTF! where did that just come from!?!...anyways...I got two hours thursday night because of a dream...but I got 10.5 last night...I also had a really weird dream...let me see if I can C&P from my dream diary................

· Monkeys = evil
· Bad guy corrupts the minds of people I love
· I have to accept it for no reason
· My lover runs away with my best friend and colleague
· I fought the bad guy before I knew about this and I came home and it was dark
· My lover's eyes were huge in the light of the moon and she looked like she was in shock
· I looked to the other side of the room and my best friend was choking there with his shirt off
· I went over to my lover and she leaned against the wall and sat down
· She calmed down and told me how to do the Heimlich
· I don't remember actually doing it instead I asked what he was choking on and looked at his shirt (which I somehow cut open with my foot) and all these strawberry halves fell out of it and I realized that my lover was going to seduce him
· Next thing I know the two of them are packing up and I go all reclusive and natural (wasn't wearing a thing!) and I started on the road of the Virginia mountains that I visit over the summer and they drove by in a convertible.
· They pull to the side and he throws me some sandals because I was walking over glass
· I took them and watched them drive away
· I heard monkeys cheering and whooping in the background
· Suddenly I'm in a hallway of the museum and looking at the spiders and I notice a bat in one of the corners then I notice how high the ceiling is and look at it
· it's a glass ceiling with spider webs all over it and it blocks out the light and I decide to leave that hallway but I notice a baboon in one of the tiny spider cages
· it looked at me with the same face as the bat and its eyes were black
· there was no color to its body except a brown fur that covered it
· I was walking away and I felt a zit on my face and when I held my hand up to it, it exploded and a centipede shot out of my face into my hands
· I ran now and I crashed into my old lover
· I was suddenly at the school/church that I work at
· We were leading kids out of the building for a fire drill or something
· She falls back as I lead the children passed the bathrooms and all the boys flood into the bathroom and all the girls go into their bathroom

...yep I've got a messed up subconsious....anybody have any fun fun interpretations give me an IM and tell me about em since I only know that the strawberries are the sex joke that me and the Goop joke about alot so that was supposed to be the reason why I knew my lover was seducing him...but there's probably more to it that only someone else could see...*sigh* I miss my Goop...she's grounded for teh remainder of this weekend(until noon on sunday) and so I don't get to see her unless someone makes some plans for a sunday evening outing to the movies *hint hint to our usual planners*...maybe something good will be playing I just want to get her out of the house and with me before this weekend is over...grrr...why do my entries always sound so depressed?...I'm feeling fine right now actually...I just wanna do something with friends and catch up on my sleep and school work...and maybe get something fun to eat along the way *fun images of how to eat strawberries and chocolate and caramel off of an "unusual eating surface"* hehe well I need to do chores and stuff before I can do anything today...so I'll get on my horse now...

Katie and I had a talk and we worked out the misunderstandings (just one 10 minute conversation can cause so much joy?) so I have started being a good guy again...

ok...guess what?...ITS HUMP DAY!...Ms. B would be so proud of me for spreading the word of her day names...anyways...I'm starting to get a handle on school again...astronomy and geometry are my current "easy" classes (how sad is that when studying rocket science is the easiest thing I do all day?)...I got a 97 on my geo test! *waves flags around happily until I trip and become entangled in them* as far as Paideia and Latin are concerned...:-/ I'm not quite sure about them yet...but I've started trying again!...be proud of me!...I SAID BE PROUD DAMMIT!...

WOOO...thats always fun...cursing online so the world can see it "Like writing on the fence! Yells those words out loud and they're over too quick. But if you write them on teh fence its like swearing forever. The words just stay up there yelling!" (quote from that silly silly play "Do Not Go Gentle)...speaking of that play...opening night is tomorrow...and a dozen of my family members are going and bunches of friends are showing up on the other nights...twill be fun...I had dress rehersal today and guess what my director "forgot" to tell me?...that she invited her acting 1-4 classes to come see...and so we had an audience today...and we did some of teh best work we've ever done!...so I was feeling really good about that...I'm pissed that the makeup is supposed to make me break out (more) cause I hate acne as it is...hmmm what else is going on?...

Aliana and me are doing great...although I don't get to spend ANY time with her outside of school this week because of her being grounded (I'm supposed to be gorunded too...glad I have lazy parents when it comes to long term disipline)...her dad won't let her come to see the play...not much I can do except kidnap her and I'm having trouble finding time for that between going to school and then coming home with just enough time to eat and shave (a daily requirment when i'm trying to look 11) before getting to school and being Nobody...*sighs* doesn't mean I can't love her still...shes been so sweet while still being sexy...I LOVE IT!...I feel kinda selfish by talking about myself around her but she always seems to care about what I'm doing more than telling me about her last class...I'm going to try and manage something with her on sunday night maybe since that is when she gets ungrounded...it'd b nice to get her to myself for a bit...I don't like sharing such a precious beauty...but I will...I'm trying ot b less selfish here peoples right?...anyway I'm happy...leave me at that...and don't press the issues...